I’m holding on to everything I love
And it is hard to admit I need a hand
For I am proud again and proud I fall
With wasted words under my bed.
I’m holding on to everyone I stabbed
And it is foolish now, I say it is
For I can’t recognize the back of my hand
Or the shadowy place I’ve fallen in.
I’m holding on to what tears me apart
Like a house built in a week and a lie
Writhing in frustration, bruised and scarred
For I don’t even know how to die.
I’m holding on to the reflection in the mirror
That wipes away the smiles I stole
Erases the drops of joy I borrowed
And I lie where we fell with a broken oath.
Saying goodbye to heaven
Saying goodbye to heaven.
Another town goes by
Out of this blurred pane
As she witnesses time
And chances going to waste
As she turns seventeen
In a desperate home
Where the dreams she dreams
Are thicker than the walls.
And if only he knew where to go.
Another glass goes down
As the bottle kisses the floor
And he stares, smiles, frowns
And cheers to the closing doors
As he turns seventeen
In a road he never called home
Although home is what it seems
To whom he has become.
And if only she knew where to go.
I’m drowning in the blackest sea,
The sound of a hundred violins
Is ringing through my ears
And I can’t hear myself screaming.
The blood is cold and colder
As a thousand miles of fire
Spread towards the skies
And you can hear me crying.
I’m lost and left to wonder
Where did I gone wrong
And the lightnings hurt more
When they make way through my throat.
If this is the end now,
Now that I can not talk
All is left is to whisper
A prayer I’ve learned from the ghosts
About how I deserve tortures
And you don’t mind as well
As I am trying to hold on
And you already command the bells
But leave me here, alone, as alone
As you found me, as alone as your god,
With frozen hands and breaking lips
Blood squirts on my chest,
Crows and straw around my knees
And not a word unsaid.
But I know I need this torture
And you don’t mind as well
As I’m trying to hold on
And you already wait in hell.
It’s been a long spring
Living here alone
With all the winds whispering
The saddest words.
I used to spend my days
Alone writing songs
'bout how I missed your face
'bout how I missed your voice.
It’s been a long summer
Living with your ghost
And all these suns’ve never
Been so cold.
I used to waste my days
Beneath the smoke
How I wish you came
To listen to my songs.
It’s been a long fall
Sleeping on my own
Between the leaves
And the darkest shades of coal.
I used to spend my days
On the backyard porch
Staring at the still town’s stare,
Sinking in the dirty snow.
It’s been a long winter
Sleeping on the road
Wearing out my bitter
Smiles, rhymes and glows
I used to bask in, loathing
The days spent by the phone
The days you never called
The days we were alone.
Back home, here
To cure my wounds
And count the tears
Back home, now
To sew my lungs
And thinking out loud.
And we need our tragedies of love
To get out of this haze
To be content with the little things
And be happy through the tears.
I found a man in the mirror
Who doesn’t look like me
With big brown eyes
And a crimson smile
I used to wear shamelessly.
Sweet and faded childhood
Let me dive only once more
To look for the kid I threw
Into your sea, I was so wrong
When I sipped innocence
Out of an iridescent straw.
I lost that laughing kid
Who used to draw
His dreams on the walls
And now the walls are on flame
And I’m the one to blame.
And I’m staring at the ceiling
Between hopes and flies.
I need answers to feed the brain
And silence to forget I have one.
I guess the best of this is
Trying to hide in the winds
That cut my cheeks
Like knives, worse, sticks.
Needed are the memories
Of all the past mistakes
To let the growing fear
Behave how I behave,
Like an enemy of my self
And like a friend of him,
Like a god behaves
And presents itself
In a summer sunny day.
So we sing, for the days
We spent by the fireplace
For the shattered dreams
Left in the hallway.
Let us scream
On our deathbeds
Let us ask
For help.
I’ve had enough
Of never being good enough
To climb my way up
To your marble pedestal
So as I stand alone
Down here I think of
What you taught me
Without even saying a word.
I’ve had enough
Of never being strong enough
To reach for all
Things I’m longing for
Though now I know
How not to hate the love
For you I kindly save in
A dusty cellar beneath my ribs.
'Cause I’ve been waiting
For a thousand years
To see through your dark stare
To see the world
That lies beyond
And I’m still standing
All alone with all
The wrongest speeches ever
And a blade resting in my palm.
I’ve had enough
Of never being me enough
I’ve had enough
Of living like a ghost.
Reality won’t fit my needs anymore
My Queen, I’m letting it all go
For it’s time to panic,
Time to beg for mercy
Kneeling down
Banging at your door.
Your Highness, we’ll have it all
At the bottom of a hole.